Hellerrrrrr! HAPPY NEW YEAR! I bet y’all thought welp Kim has fell off the bandwagon. NOPE. And, guess what…this ain’t no band wagon people!!! Yes, I’m still fit, still lifting heavy things, still running, still eating that so called “fit food.” Yada, yada, yada. But, it’s none of that to me anymore. It’s life. It’s my life. It’s second nature to me. Just like I go to class, do my homework, cook, clean, or do my laundry, I still continue to take care of myself and my body like everything else I do. Fitness isn’t something I have to talk about everyday, or brag about, or get conformation on anymore. It’s just me. And, boy is that a huge relief!!! Wheeeeweeee! 🙂 ((((But, I will continue to share my journey and talk about it because I want to help others get to that point as well. I want your health to be important, yet second nature.))))
That’s what’s on my mind right now…all that new year, new me stuff ya know. Time to leave behind the old and negative and bring about the new and positive. This won’t be super entertaining I can tell you that right now. Might as well grab a cup of Joe and settle in. SERRRRRIOUSSS stuff right here. Come back later if you need to…whatever you want. Anyway, there’s a few thoughts and issues I’m proud to say I overcame in 2014, and even prouder to leave them behind me. I want to share them. Now that I can. Now that I am comfortable enough to. Insecurities is one of them. NO. They’re not all gone and of course they never will be. There will always be times in our life that we get insecure or lose confidence in our self, our jobs, our passions, etc. but I won’t the way I did in 2014 ever again. I REFUSE! I want to share these feelings because I know if you’re reading this you don’t think you’re perfect…and chances are you’re not. But, I bet you’re looking for every way in the world to better yourself aren’t you? And, if I can help with that…well that’s why I’m typing my little fingers off right now. Actually, I’m drinking hot tea and typing my little fingers off at the same time. Hot tea is yummy and cozy and you should try it if you haven’t…just saying.
Yes, 2014 has been a grand year, but testing to say the least. Especially in the fitness aspect for me. I got bogged down. Now, I will say I lost over 30 pounds this year, learned so much more about clean eating and workouts, & started my fitness blog that I’ve always wanted to do. So, I’m not complaining. Just reflecting. Also, in 2014, I got so involved and obsessed with fitness and health that I let the social media aspect of fitness steal my passion for being healthy myself. DOUBLE EDGE SWORD. I lost sight of my own goals & my own body at times. I lost my “happy” for a little bit. You’re wondering how…well if you must know just go scroll through the pics under the hashtags #fitfam or #girlswholift on Instagram or try sifting through bodybuilding.com for 5 minutes. There’s men and women of every shape and size wearing anything from a turtle neck to a G-string. Washboard abs, killer calves, cut arms, ripped backs, big bootys, do I need to say more? I would sit for hours and hours sifting through pictures of (usually fake) fitness models longing for a body that I could never attain. Bummer. Wishing I was someone I wasn’t. Wasting time. It was TOXIC, UNHEALTHY, SCARY. I know that now. I didn’t then. I spent several months working and eating for a body that I could never have. Had I only known how to channel those feelings toward MY OWN body and focus on what I had to work with myself I would have been so much better off, because boy when I figured it out!!!!!!! PROGRESS.
After spinning my wheels and coming to a plateau and pretty much not knowing what else to do with myself that’s when I leveled. Told myself basically, “Kim this is ridiculous. Stupid. Toxic. Unhealthy.” All that. I realized I had to do something…here I was the “fit girl,” the girl who has this awesome fitness journey, the girl who lost 70 pounds, drowning in my own sorrows and feeling sorry for myself all because I can’t have “her body, her stomach, her arms, her butt, her shoulders”….ya feel me? It consumed me. Yes, it motivated me, but more than anything it robbed me of my happiness and fire to keep pushing. Are you seeing how awful this was, how immature my thoughts were? It’s okay you can admit it…”KIM, YOU’RE CRAZY.” But, you know what…I wasn’t crazy. I am not crazy. I wasn’t stupid. I am not stupid. I am human. I am not perfect. You are not perfect either…and if you think you are then get off my page right now (ain’t nobody got time for people who think they’re perfect). But, in all honesty I was a woman who got lost in the world of technology and all that society tells us to be through social media. Sad. So sad.
SOLUTION. For myself. Maybe not for everyone…I started with deleting all fitness related social media. All things negative and toxic…to me. And, I don’t mean motivating fitness things…just things that distracted me from my goals. I unfollowed all the “fitness models” Instagram had to offer knowing that without a great photoshop app or plastic surgery I probably wouldn’t ever look like “that”, Facebook pages, twitters accounts, etc. I even deleted my entire Instagram app for several weeks. I only allowed myself to focus on MY body, MY health, MY muscles, MY meal plan, etc. I prayed about it (((yes, I’m religious, but that’s as about as far as I’ll ever go in my blog about it…not the place))). I kept telling myself daily that I was worthy. I had worked so hard. My body was beautiful. My body was fit. You know that saying if you keep telling yourself something long enough you will believe it and it’ll come true…well wouldn’t you know my entire life changed. I started working harder, I zoned in on my foods and nutrition, I started taking even better care of my own body. I made more time for myself. More time for Daniel and Dolly. More time for school work. More time to sit and sip on coffee. More time for the IMPORTANT things in my life. I found such a peacefulness that I never thought I could and believe it or not my body changed more in those couple months than it ever has throughout this whole fitness journey. It may sound…stupid or weird to you, but I seriously grew as an entire person once I realized that God gave me my body and no one else’s and I have to live with that. And, once I realized how to channel all that energy into my OWN life I actually grew out of a negative mindset that I had held on to for too long. 2014 was definitely a year for growing (((even my muscles grew haha))) SCORE! But, really I grew as a person, I grew confidence, I escaped an immature mind set, and I essentially found my true self. At least I feel like I did. Something definitely changed…and for the better. I can walk into the gym with confidence now. I can be around a room full of beautiful women and feel worthy. I can sit at home in my flannel pjs with a cup of coffee and feel just as pretty than when I’m in designer heels and make-up. It’s peaceful. It’s happiness. I was able to eventually accept the fact that there will always be people who are prettier, sexier, more athletic, more muscular, more cut, more ripped whatever you want to call it. I can respect that now. I couldn’t then. But, I also discovered that my own body is beautiful, sexy, fit, ripped, cut, whatever you want to call it in it’s own kind of way and that I am a wonderful person regardless of how much I weigh or any muscle in my body. YOU ARE TOO. I am beautiful because I love life, I love people, I help others, I am a great friend, I am a wonderful sister, I am a lovely daughter, I am a future nurse, I am intelligent, I am a fitness enthusiast, I am so many things.
SO ARE YOU.
You’re beautiful too. I don’t care if you weigh 300lbs or 100lbs you are beautiful. And, you are worthy of happiness. Let this year be the year that you find your happy and realize that you are important and beautiful and that you deserve it. Let this year be the year that you let go of something or someone negative in your life. Let it be the year that you do something for yourself that your future self will thank you for. Let this year be the year that you leave behind something that you shouldn’t bring along. I promise it’s worth it. And, I promise it will make you a better person.
So what’s it gonna be?