Most of y’all know my entire life has revolved around my weight loss journey and fitness these last few years. Like my WHOLE life. The food I eat, the places I go, the people I surround myself with…all fitness related. It’s kind of weird. I wouldn’t trade it for the world though. But, it’s so weird and scary that just 8 short months into my nursing career I find myself questioning it on a weekly and sometimes even daily basis. Like is this really what I am supposed to be doing? Am I a good nurse? Who am I? Even after 6 long years of “figuring” myself out and putting myself through college I still find myself wondering…Am I even supposed to be a nurse? YES, I am. And, it wasn’t until today that I met with someone ((even just after an hour over coffee)) that I have changed my mentality all together. I was on the verge of making some big changes and I knew I needed to talk to someone. Thankfully, I have had a wonderful support system thus far in my career and I reached out. Sometimes all it takes is just that one person to put your life into perspective for you. I will forever be thankful for this conversation. And, I’m about to tell you why.
It sounds crazy, but I kind of figured out who I really am today. I know or at least I believe all my fellow nurses have questioned their career path at some point or another along the way, but just when we think we’ve made the wrong decision…someone or some mircle situation sees us through the hard times and make its all worth it. Whether you’re a new nurse like me or a seasoned expert nurse…I am writing this today because I want to remind you and myself that we were all placed on this Earth for a purpose-we are nurses and there’s absolutely nothing we can do about it.
As I sit here and reflect on some of the things I was told earlier today I can’t help but thank the good Lord above for letting someone see all of the things in me that I’ve failed to see myself along the way that truly make me a nurse. And, although we all have “other things” going on such as hobbies, passions, habits, etc…it is in our heart and who we are that makes us a nurse. As I sat there and stared at my coffee cup complaining with every breath in me I remember saying, “I just need to be great at something and I just don’t feel like I am fully great at anything right now”. And, just then my mentor stopped me and said “You are great. You are a great nurse, Kim. It’s something within you…something that can’t be taught or learned. It must be the way you were raised or something you came from. I don’t know what it is, but it’s not something you learned in nursing school and it’s certainly not something you’ve picked up in your job orientation…you were born with it”. I will never forget the feeling that came over me.
And, that’s that truth y’all. When I really sit and reflect on my job and who I am…I am a nurse. I believe I speak for all of us nurses with what I am about to say. I really am a person who cares so deeply about others. I am a person that can meet people right where they are in life and not judge them or care about their past. I can see people through the scariest of times and explain things like most people can’t. I can sense pain and fear. I am a person who can talk your ear off or listen for hours on in. I am that person that no matter what I can take care of people medically and emotionally at the exact same time and not even know the difference. Not everyone can do that. Just us. Just nurses.
Today got to me. All of those thoughts leached onto my brain and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about them since. Don’t get me wrong I LOVE my job, my team, my unit, and my patients, but ever since I began my nursing career I have kind of resented nursing for “coming in between” me and my passion for fitness. It may sound crazy to some, but it’s the truth. It’s been a struggle since the day I started-until today. I’ve had some of the worst workouts this year. Some of the worst days. I’ve had days that I’ve woke up and thought to myself…”well hell I’ll just gain all the weight back I’ll just eat whatever and do whatever”. WHY? Why on Earth I let myself get to that point I’ll never know, but I think it happens to the best of us sometimes. When really I just needed to let myself be who I am. I am a nurse who loves fitness and I need to accept that and do BOTH. I just needed to hear it from the outside.
I left my meeting and went straight to the gym. I had an incredible workout and I felt amazing after. Probably the best workout since I started my job. I still want to be involved in fitness and I always will. I want to be a fitness mentor, a trainer, a motivator, a fit mom (one day), a fit nurse…I want all of that. Fitness is “that other thing” for me. It’s the hobby, passion, or habit if you will. It’s the thing that gives me balance as a nurse. It’s the one thing that I need to continue doing in order to keep being the best nurse that I can be. I believe we all have to have that “something else” in order to keep a happy and balanced life…mine happens to be fitness. But, we can’t lose sight of what we’re truly meant to do in life. So I say this…keep doing all of the things you love to do in life. Do not miss out on the chance to be who you truly are. Chances are you can do it all. I’m going to do it all!!! ❤