My poor back, my poor pride!

We’ve been busy getting ready for spring around here!  I’m keeping up with my workouts and even putting in extra work like staining our deck and planting flowers, etc. I’m ready for Mexico, y’all!!! It’s been a great spring so far…well until Monday that is 😦

I haven’t really talked in depth about my fitness stuff/injuries over the last year or so…so this is probably news.  I took some time on and off from heavy lifting this past year due to some back pain/problems that I was having from an injury I got from deadlifting at Crossfit around last February.  Don’t get me wrong I love CF training, but with my competitive nature and just how intense CF can be I injured my back, unfortunately.  I guess I never really brought it up because I had such a hard time accepting it myself.  So for the last year I’ve been focusing on core exercises and trying to build my lower back strength up.  There have been phases where I’ve felt amazing && then bam right back to painful and injured.  So,  around the first of the year I was feeling great again and started incorporating some compound lifts back into my routine aka squats and deadlifts.  Everything had being going SO great.  I was feeling so strong again.  Long story short, I wasn’t healed as greatly as I thought I was and on Monday I found out the hard way.  I had a big leg workout planned with some heavy squats-Daniel has been programming my workouts the past few months!  My injury is NOT his fault at all actually he’s the reason I’ve gained some strength back from my initial injury and also I’ve put on some wanted muscle 🙂  But, on Monday, I was squatting 155lbs for reps of 8 and I was on my last set of 4…down on the 6th squat and my back buckled nearly in half on the way back up.  I can’t even hardly stand to type this thinking about the pain I experienced. A jolt of intense pain ran through my lower back almost causing me to fall with the bar on my back.  It makes me cringe.  Really y’all, it was like the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced in my life. I don’t even know what happened.  Thank goodness a rush of adrenaline and Daniel both helped me up and we racked the weight.  My body went into complete shock and I could not move for like 3-4 minutes.  All I wanted to do was burst into tears, but my pride and adrenaline wouldn’t let me at that second.  I tip toed to my car with Daniel’s help and bought myself a trip to Patient First. I think I cried for like 2 hours straight from the pain.  And, I’m pretty tough. They claim it’s a “pulled muscle”.  I have been on muscle relaxers for 3 days and I have felt like a complete zombie.  The pain is still there.    Thankfully, today I am up moving around a little and I’m sitting up in a chair right now writing this, which is more than I’ve done in 3 days.  My next goal is to find a PCP and get in for an MRI I guess-ugh.  At this point we think I have something going on with my spinal column and nerves.   I hate this.  I am not one to go to the doctor for anything unless it’s a must, but at this point I have no choice.  Back pain is no joke.  I ignored it for too long.  I neglected the signs my body gave me along the way thinking “oh you’ll be alright, tough it out”. I failed to rehab my back the proper way for the sake of wanting to continue lifting “heavy”. Well, look at me now.

As for my future workouts it’s back to the things that matter most about my health, which is what I should have continued focusing on all along.  I plan to continue my TRX workouts, which I love.  Yoga will become an everyday thing once again.  And, more cardio/HITT training for my heart health.  I will continue lifting weights because I love it and it makes me feel strong, but as for the macho super strong woman I was a year ago…she’s pretty much gone for now.  No more 200-300  pound squats and deadlifts for me right now.  I want to be strong, I want to be fit, and I want to be healthy.  But, most importantly I want to be pain free.  It’s time.   I can’t remember the last time I had a fully pain free workout.  This final injury has been a long time coming for me.  It’s my own fault.  After 3 days of sitting around in pain thinking about it I can finally admit it.  Sometimes we let our pride get the best of us.  We see so much in the fitness/health world and especially on social media.  Whether it be strength or aesthetics, we are constantly comparing ourselves to others whether we like to admit it or not.  I also have one strong hubby who loves powerlifting and let’s be honest it’s hard always trying to be stronger than him, but I am…..hummmmmmm 😉  BUT, I’m going to leave the strong to him for now and help make sure this doesn’t happen to him!  I would like to get back into training a few clients while I focus on my own well being.  It’s something I enjoy and I’m good at.  And, it’s something that feels rewarding to me. I’m not talking body building or powerlifting here-I’m talking about helping people start their fitness journey/weight loss/exercise!  Just have to put that out there because there’s so many thoughts on “Personal Training”.  It’s time to stop spending 2-3 hours a day in the gym right now.  It’s time to focus on my actual health.   It’s time to stop worrying about how much weight I can put on my back or pull off the floor-I mean let’s be honest NO ONE really gives a shit about how much weight another person lifts 😛  Sitting at home alone for 3 whole days gives you plenty of time to think y’all…and when I think about how much we look to others for approval, attention, praise or whatever you want to call it…it’s SO FREAKING SAD.  Hey, I’m guilty don’t y’all think I’m over here on my high horse.  Of course I love it too.  WE ALL DO.  But, like I said it’s time for me to focus on my actual health.  Not how much weight I lift, but how I actually feel.  I want to run a mile, hike some stairs, clean my house, lift boxes, look good…I want to do things I do on a daily basis and feel good and in shape.  That’s important.  You realize those things when you can’t physically do them.  I just hate that it took another back injury to help me realize.  It’s just not worth the pain y’all.

Now if you powerlift….then by gosh you keep right on!!! BE CAREFUL!  And, if you body build, then keep on.  And, if you just workout to feel good, then keep on.  I support you all.  My point is this…whatever you do…do it for YOU and listen to your body.  This is NOT a stab at any sport, fitness brand, or person in particular.  I LOVE ALL FITNESS.  This is just me wishing I would have listened to my body and done the right thing a long time ago.  Athletes get injured all the time and recover coming back even stronger.  They do it the proper way, which I failed to do.  I let my pride get the best of me.  But, hey don’t we all sometimes.  Be good to your body because it’s the only one you’ve got!  And, don’t let your pride ever get in the way because the people who love you will love you anyway no matter how weak, strong, fat, or skinny you are.  TRUST ME because I’ve been them all! ❤ ❤ ❤  So here’s to figuring out how to be fit and strong without lifting a thousand pounds.  I’ll let my shugg do that for the both of us.  I’m actually excited to start rehabbing my back and switching up my workouts.  And, if you’re interested in training or starting a fitness journey with me then get in touch with me…I’d love to help! 🙂

-Kim

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